P2K's Greatest Songs of the 2000s: 500-491

Recently the ever so popular music webzine, pitchforkmedia, concluded their series entitled P2K. Basically, P2K was pitchfork's end of the decade tribute to music. The series included articles about such things as the emergence of the mp3, their list of the top 200 albums of the decade, and their list of the top 500 songs of the decade. And I, being completely obsessed with music, set out to obtain each of these songs and hopefully albums. Yes, I set my goals high! So, what I've decided to do is to go through pitchfork's entire list of 500 songs and decide whether or not it's worthy of being on the list, and therefore on my* playlist. I hope you enjoy the effort I put into this meaningless drivel.

*Feel free to replace "my" with "your"

500: The Big Pink; "Velvet" [2009]
I was initially surprised to see this make the list. The song is from this year. How could it possibly be that good? Well, I was wrong because it is a good song. It sort of reminds me of Aphex Twin mixed with My Bloody Valentine.
Verdict: Get It!

499: N.E.R.D.; "Run to the Sun" [2002]
Whe N.E.R.D. first broke onto the music scene, I was real excited to hear what they were all about. I had heard that their music was a weird mix of hip-hop, soul, rock, and even folk. Boy, was I let down. Though their music was very creative, it just didn't make a huge impact on me. That said, "Run to the Sun" is a hip, soulful, and upbeat love song that should be in your playlist.
Verdict: Get It!

498: Unwound; "Scarlette" [2001]
Haunting, dark, and....melodic? From Unwound's Leaves Turn Inside You, this song is about being used in a relationship and the hushed, throaty vocals go along way to set the mood.
Verdict: Get It!

497: Woods; "Rain On" [2009]
Another one from this year. How could it be? Much like Wavves and Vivian Girls, Woods are practitioners of lo-fi music. But they differ from their contemporaries in that, rather than invoking a new-wavy sound, they're more reminiscent of Neil Young, thanks to the lead singer's nasally vocals. "Oh how the days will rain on."
Verdict: Get It!

496: Akufen; "Deck the House (Herbert's Stop Like This Mix)" [2002]
I don't know who the hell Akufen ever are, let alone Herbert. I'm not big on microhouse music. This is clearly made for shaking your booty out on the dance floor, which I'm not really into. I don't know. This has a catchy beat that is almost enjoyable, but I don't think it's one of the best songs of the decade.
Verdict: Skip It!

495: Weezer; "Island in the Sun" [2001]
The second single from Weezer's Green Album wasn't even supposed to be on the album. But producer Ric Ocasek fought for it and it ended up being included. The song title comes from the Sex Pistols song "Holidays in the Sun." What more needs to be said?
Verdict: Get It!

494: Blonde Redhead; "Equus" [2004]
It's a solid listen, full of memorable hooks, a consistent and engaging tone of sinister, yet sadly childlike visages, and imaginative atmospheres. In other words, it's a song that will remind you of a soundtrack made to the worst of your childhood memories. I mean that in a good way.
Verdict: Get It!

493: Goldfrapp; "Lovely Head" [2000]
I dare you to not let that whistling get stuck in your head. This is really mesmerizing and atmospheric. And the sonic sound effects add an eery effect that is hard to turn away.
Verdict: Get It!

492: St. Vincent; "The Strangers" [2009]
Fairy tale-like woodwinds and stomping fuzz pedal delirium make this a rather unique listening experience. This is what you might expect to hear if you lived in bizarro Disney world.
Verdict: Get It!

491: Viktor Vaughn; "Saliva" [2003]
The first hip-hop track of the list and it's a doozy. For those that don't know, Viktor Vaughn is MF DOOM, aka Zev Love X of KMD. After his brother and DJ Subroc was killed in an auto accident, Zev Love X, for lack of a better word, lost his mind. Then his label released him from his contract due to some "iffy" album artwork. Years later Zev popped back on the scene. But this time he was equipped with a metal mask and and a new name. His mission: Take revenge on the hip-hop world that did him wrong. Seriously, one of the best emcees of the decade.
Verdict: Get It!

My Problem(s) With Asher Roth

Being a long time listener of hip-hop music, it pains me when the latest flavor of the month artist comes along when it's obvious they have no idea of what hip-hop culture is all about. It pains me even more when people buy into it. Asher Roth, the pasty-skinned, ginger-haired, Pennsylvania-based rapper, is just the latest example of this. Asher Roth has gained much of his following by rapping about exactly what hip-hop isn't: Smoking weed, getting drunk, hanging out at parties, and, most notably, being white-skinned. It's puzzling because Asher has repeatedly stated that his skin color shouldn't matter and that it's important for artists to be themselves. What's puzzling about it is the fact that Asher puts so much emphasis on his being white. Funny, I thought it didn't matter. In a recent interview with XXL magazine, Asher had the audacity to state, "I’m representing the 80 percent of kids who actually buy these rap albums but, really, can’t relate." That's an ignorant statement for a couple of reasons.

First, Asher seems to be stating that only white boys actually feel okay about walking into a store and buying an album. The idea that African-Americans don't spend hard-earned money on music is ridiculous. I must have forgotten, African-Americans only spend their money on gold chains, right Asher? Second, he seems to be suggesting that black people can't relate to what he raps about because the majority of rap music is about guns, drugs, and doing drive-bys. But if you've spent anytime listening to hip-hop music at all, you'd know this isn't true. Hell, I'd expect someone who's trying to base a career around rapping would know at least some of hip-hop's rich history. But that's just part of the problem. Asher Roth's entire persona is a gimmick. And gimmicks in rap almost always fail. Why? Because, believe it or not, it's listeners aren't all uneducated morons who only know about guns, drugs, and doing drive-bys. There are tons of educated, working hip-hop fans. They're not all out there robbing 7-11s. Asher's statement in XXL is false on so many levels. It suggests that white boys have been buying hip-hop albums for years, but have never been able to relate to anything they hear because they're white. His comments also suggest that only white people live in the suburbs. And while Asher continues to stress the importance of being himself, and not apologize for his white upbringing, he continues to obsess over it.

Second, if you've followed hip-hop at all, you'll be well aware of the fact that Asher Roth is not the first white boy to pick up a mic. Groups like the Beastie Boys and 3rd Bass had varying degrees of success in the '80s, but both groups were generally accepted by the hip-hop community. Why? Because by-and-large they understood that rap wasn't just about sex and violence. Yes, they both relied, to some extent, on a gimmick, but they didn't base their whole personas around the color of their skin. More importantly, they didn't make random, ignorant statements that totally polarized their fanbase. When Eminem entered the scene in the late '90s I feared he would be marketed as being the white savior of rap music. And he was for a time. The difference is, Eminem used that as motivation to prove himself as an emcee, in spite of the bad reputation of certain white artists before him. Eminem has had a very successful career, and it's because he's proved his worth as an emcee, not because he's somehow privileged by being white. And it's certainly not because suburban white kids are the only ones buying his albums. Asher Roth is relatively new to the rap scene and he's already managed to polarize his audience by making ignorant, racially motivated remarks. But wait, it gets even worse...or funnier, depending on how you look at it.

In an interview with Associated Press, Asher made the following statement: "You guys are always going off about how much money you have. Do you realize what's going on in this world right now?' All these black rappers? African rappers? Talking about how much money they have. Do you realize what's going on in Africa right now? It's just like, you guys are disgusting. Talking about billions and billions of dollars you have. And spending it frivolously, when you know, the Motherland is suffering beyond belief right now." Now, I will have to agree on one point: I think it's wrong for rappers to rap about their gold chains and jewelry. But you know what I hate even more? Rappers who rap about beer pong and blunt cruising. Yes, I'm pointing a finger at you Asher. I forgot that getting drunk, smoking blunts, and sexing up college co-eds was going to somehow save Africa. Asher seriously needs to keep his mouth shut when it comes to politics. You can't criticize an entire race of people for not using their time and money in a way you would like them to, and then turn around and act just as ignorant as the people you accuse. But I guess you're just being yourself, which is the most important thing.

I wonder why when Asher Roth continually stresses the importance of being himself, he is constantly reminding his audience that he's white. Almost as if, he's not okay with being himself. In his videos he always has a couple cleverly-placed black guys in the background, which says to me that he knows how uncool he'd be if no black guys were in his videos--which sort of helps highlight the fact that he's white. But, I thought that didn't matter. In a weird way, Asher seems to be saying that I should like him because he's white, not because he's a skilled emcee, which he needs serious work on. Sorry Asher, I may be white like you, but I have a hard time relating to you. I've never been to a frat party and I've never smoked weed or dropped out of college, like you did, which is weird since you wrote a whole song about how much you love it. I've never donated a large sum of money to save Africa and I've never referred to anyone as nappy-headed hoes, like you did. And it may come to shock you that while I've never done any of the aforementioned things, I'm a white-boy from the suburbs.